


Do you miss me at all

by thetolkiengeek



Series: Angsty Exes AUs [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Exes AU, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, One Shot, Yes I wrote another one, it's bittersweet but there's hope, talking things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 17:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16123634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetolkiengeek/pseuds/thetolkiengeek
Summary: Eight months. That was how long it had been since Keith and Lance broke up, and yet, Lance still felt the pain like a red-hot poker to his heart. He had thought that maybe cutting off all contact would help, but despite it all, Lance still thought about him.When Lance gets a text from Keith asking to talk, he has to decide if it's worth risking his heart again.--Or, yet another angsty exes AU that literally nobody asked for. But I promise, it's got a happy ending.Based on a Bridgit Mendler song





	Do you miss me at all

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I'm not sure why I keep coming up with angsty exes AUs, but here we are again. 
> 
> As always, thanks to Dani, my lovely friend and beta [@snowthunder](http://snowthunder.tumblr.com) who can also be found here on AO3 at [snowthunder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowthunder/pseuds/snowthunder). 
> 
> This is based on the Bridgit Mendler song [Do You Miss Me At All](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTVDuR9lam0) which I highly recommend you listen to while reading.

Lance wasn’t sure what to expect when he moved back to the city. He knew it was a big place, yet he feared that the universe would conspire against him to make it feel small—several million people crammed into a relatively tiny island would do that. But still, it had been months. The chances of running into him were slim. Weren’t they?

Lance sighed and continued to look out over the sea of rooftops, spotting gardens, vents, trendy bars. The evening haze painted everything in shades of blacks, blues, and grays. He’d ostensibly come out to the roof to watch the sunset, but his chair wasn’t even facing the right direction. Instead, he gazed east, looking for...for what? Some sign that he was still here? That somehow he’d left as much of a trace on the landscape as he did on Lance’s heart?

God, he was pathetic. The only thing he needed was a long drag of a cigarette and maybe a scotch to complete the image. 

Eight months. That’s how long it had been. He should have been over it. What was it they always said? It takes half the time you’ve been together to really get over a breakup? Ha. What a load of bullshit. He and Keith had been together a little over a year, and still the pain lingered. At least he had stopped counting the days. That was a good sign, right? Maybe there was some hope for him after all.

Truth be told, Lance probably shouldn’t have come back to the city. But after months of moping around at home, and more than a few phone calls from a concerned employer—he had been saving most of his vacation time, but apparently using it all at once to do nothing was “alarming”—he decided to come back. 

He told everyone he was done letting the breakup rule his life. 

A small part of Lance, the part that picked at his scabs and refused to let them heal without a scar, was hoping maybe he’d run into him. 

But he didn’t know if he was even in the city. Didn’t know if he still called that matchbox apartment home. Didn’t know who he was spending all his time with. 

Despite knowing each other for years, forced together by mutual friends until fighting turned to bickering, bickering turned into flirting, flirting turned into heartfelt confessions, Keith and Lance had parted in the worst of ways. Lance cut off all contact, even going so far as to delete Keith’s number. 

When you offer yourself in the most vulnerable way, opening up to someone like that, and they refuse to let you in? To even tell you they were leaving the country? Well, that makes you rethink your priorities. 

Lance still wasn’t exactly sure what happened. What he and Keith had...that was good. It was the kind of love story you read about—epic and all-encompassing. And the worst part was Lance thought it was made to last, to withstand anything. Yet, under the first sign of real strain, Keith had bailed. 

And okay, Lance wasn’t entirely faultless either. He had pushed and pushed and suddenly, the whole thing had come crashing down on top of them.

Certainly part of it was the timing. Sometimes, something can be the right person, wrong time, and the universe didn’t always care about  _ when _ to throw shit at you. It didn’t care about giving a relationship time to strengthen before testing it. 

But then again, Lance reflected, it had been a year. A year of going on dates and watching the sunset over the park, of throwing popcorn at each other during the movies, of hurried, heated kisses in the back room at Lance’s work. 

Did Keith miss him at all? Did he wonder what Lance was up to without him? Because it was all Lance could think about sometimes—what Keith was doing right at that moment. If he had that furrow in his brow while he was cooking, if he still wore that red leather jacket when the weather got cold, if he fell asleep on the couch again because he couldn’t be bothered to make it to his bed. 

When Keith had disappeared from Lance's life, he didn't go without leaving a sizable Keith-shaped void in his wake. Keith simply threw himself into work, all but vanishing into the shadows of his ever-mysterious Marmora Agency, not even having the decency to break things off officially. Instead, the burden had been forced onto Lance.

But jeez, he wished Keith had been the one to do it. But no. He just left the country, not even telling Lance he had taken the assignment halfway across the world. Running, like the coward Lance never thought he could be. 

He didn’t want to believe it when Shiro told him, but eventually he had to accept that Keith was gone, and he wouldn’t come back to him. 

So Lance acted in kind, giving him the same courtesy Keith that had given him. He sent him a simple text that just said “We’re done,” and then deleted his number. He even went as far as unfriending him, not wanting to see if Keith ever posted his location. 

Some might say he was overreacting, but what the hell was he supposed to think—Keith vanishing almost right after Lance finally  _ finally _ worked up the courage to say “I love you.”

It hadn’t taken Lance a year to fall in love with Keith. No, Lance was gone for him almost immediately. But he knew Keith, knew he could be skittish and avoided saying that dreaded L-word to anyone. So Lance waited. And then one day, he decided it couldn’t wait anymore. 

And the next, Keith was gone. 

_ Fuck _ .

A single tear made its way slowly down Lance’s cheek, catching on his chin, but he refused to wipe it away. If he did that, he would have to acknowledge that he was still crying over him.

The sun had finally set, and any vestige of warmth vanished from the sky. Yet, Lance didn’t move from his spot. 

He knew Keith was back in the country. Had been back for a while, if the little bit of information that Pidge had let slip was any indication. 

The part of him that wasn’t over this, the part that really didn’t want to let this go, hoped that maybe Keith had heard Lance was back, that maybe he’d message Lance telling him he was coming home. 

But that was stupid. Lance didn’t need that, didn’t  _ want _ it. Maybe if he told himself that a few more times, he could start to believe it. 

Lance’s phone buzzed and he looked down, steadying himself against the disappointment he always felt when it wasn’t him. But what showed on the screen gave him pause.

No. No fucking way. The universe didn’t work like that. But there was the proof—the string of numbers without a contact, without that usual photo of him smiling softly as Lance kissed his cheek, but the proper punctuation, the short sentences, told him exactly who it was. 

_ Heard you’re back. I am too. Can we talk? _

Lance’s thumbs hovered over the keyboard, every nerve in his body thrumming, every bone freezing. 

Every thought from before came crashing down around Lance, and he realized that part of him really  _ really _ did not want to see Keith. He wasn’t sure he could face him after what Keith put him through. 

Lance took a deep breath and typed out a response. He knew what he had to do.

 

\---

 

Sitting in a coffee shop overlooking the busy streets, Lance doubted himself for what felt like the billionth time.

Had he really made the right decision? His heart beating nervously in his chest said no.

At every chime of the cheery bell above the door, Lance’s head shot up, and each time, he was filled with a mix of relief and disappointment. Not Keith. Not yet.

When Keith had messaged him, he had felt confident telling him yes, and to meet him at the new cafe by his old work. He picked it because it was a place that held no meaning for him, a spot in the city that hadn’t been touched by Keith and Lance’s hurricane. 

Again, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Get some closure, satisfy that nasty bit of curiosity that had kept him up ever since he heard Keith was back, maybe start to bring himself to forgive Keith. Maybe.

At the next chime of the door, Lance didn’t bother looking up, but a moment later, he felt a shadow pass over him, and then…

Lance closed his eyes. Keith still used the same body wash. God, Lance really didn’t need to know that. 

An awkward cough, the slight squeak of leather Docs as Keith shifted his weight. 

“Hi, Lance.”

Lance’s eyes fluttered open at that voice that once felt as comforting as his mother’s hugs, or as warm as hot tea on a cold winter’s day. He felt pulled in, the surprising husk, the underlying kindness.

No. Not again.

He looked up, and his breath left his body in one swift motion. Keith looked good. Damn good. Fuck.

He had another piercing, the industrial shining brightly in the warm lights of the coffee shop. His raven hair had notes of warmth in them, like he had spent a long time in the sun. And yeah, he still wore that ridiculous red leather jacket.

He was taller, Lance noticed. Just a little bigger. His hair got long. Well, longer.

Lance catalogued these changes against his will. He didn’t want to notice that Keith’s jaw looked more defined, that his eyes seemed just a bit brighter.

“Keith,” Lance finally managed, though it came out more strangled than he intended. 

“Hi.”

A chuckle left Lance before he could stop it. Turned out Keith was still awkward. “You said that already.”

He looked up at Keith to see some of the tension leave his body, the furrow between his brows disappearing.

“Can I?” he asked, gesturing to the chair.

Lance nodded, watching as Keith pulled out the chair and sat down.

He seemed to finally take in his surroundings, head craning to look at the cliche coffee-themed paraphernalia placed around the cafe, catching on the edison bulbs hanging from the ceiling. Finally, he looked back at Lance who felt his breath catch again.

It would be a lie to say he had forgotten that Keith’s eyes could look violet in the right light, but his memory could never do justice to exactly how striking they could be. 

Lance tore his gaze away, unable to stand that look, that sincerity. Instead, he pushed one of the two coffee mugs on the table towards Keith.

“I wasn’t sure if you still liked espresso, so I just got you a medium roast. It’s pretty good here…”

Keith’s fingertips brushed Lance’s as he took the proffered coffee, and Lance felt the contact like an electric shock.

“Thanks, Lance,” Keith said.

Lance nodded, his eyes glued to a knot in the wooden table, fingers tapping nervously.

Silence fell over the table. The air felt thick with everything they’d been through.

But unlike before, when Lance was happy to fill the silence with chatter about his work, his family, Hunk and Pidge’s shenanigans, he wasn’t willing to help Keith out with this. Keith was the one who wanted to talk, so he would have to be the one to talk first.

After another beat of silence, Keith seemed to get the memo.

“So…” he began, clearing his throat, “how have you been?”

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Well.”

“That’s--I’m glad to hear it.”

Lance continued to turn the ceramic mug in his hands, fingers running across the coffeeshop decal over and over.

“Pidge said you’re still working for Coran?” Keith asked quietly, prodding for just a bit more.

Lance looked up at that. “Yeah. I’m his head assistant now.”

Keith gave a soft smile, and Lance cursed his traitorous heart for clenching at the sight. “I knew you’d do it.”

Those words were finally what made Lance snap. He wasn’t here for small talk. He wasn’t sure why he was here, exactly, but it certainly wasn’t to catch up like old friends.

“I’m not sure why you care,” Lance said, venom creeping into his tone, “considering that you walked out of my life without so much as a backward glance.”

Keith breathed out a long sigh, the furrow returning.

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

Lance kept his face impassive.

Keith took a breath, and some vindictive part of Lance was pleased to realize that it was unsteady. “I owe you an explanation.”

Lance scoffed. 

“I do. I didn’t mean for things to go the way they did,” Keith said, and his words came out in a rush. “I got a call from Kolivan, and I couldn’t miss the opportunity.”

Lance’s stomach dropped. “You can’t be serious.”

“Wait, just...just...Lance, they found my mother.”

Keith caught Lance’s gaze once more, his eyes pleading and earnest.

“That’s where I’ve been. With her. I know that’s not supposed to fix everything, and I know I’m not magically more mature or anything but—it helped.”

“I’m happy for you, Keith,” Lance said, and he was surprised to find that he meant it.

“I got a dog too,” Keith blurted out.

Lance blinked.

“Oh. That’s...that’s good?”

Keith nodded, looking back down in his coffee cup. “Yeah. It’s been...different. I feel different.”

Lance nodded. It wasn’t just the looks. The more he sat with Keith, the more he noticed that the nervous energy, that flightiness that seemed so inherent to Keith, was...not gone, necessarily, but there was something more settled about him. He didn’t look restless, ready to bolt at any moment.

It was disconcerting to say the least. 

“Keith…” Lance began. He took a fortifying breath. “Keith, why am I here? As much as I want to, I still can’t be friends with you right now.”

Keith looked up. “I know. I’m not asking you to be. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. Not just for this,” and he gestured to the awkward space between them. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I lashed out, and you got caught up in it. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

Lance gave a sad laugh. “Well, it’s not like I’m entirely innocent here either. I pushed you, even though I knew I shouldn’t have.”

“Yeah, but you meant well. I didn’t understand that back then, but I do now.”

Lance shook his head. “Good for you. I’m happy for you, really, but look, you still haven’t told me what I’m doing here.”

Keith glanced up, surprised, but Lance forged on.

“If you’re here for closure, it’s too late. I’ve had to find my own, and we’ve established that I don’t really owe you any.”

“You’re right,” Keith said after a moment. “I really am sorry. And, if you’ll let me, I want to make it up to you.”

Lance’s brows knit together. “In what way could you possibly make up for this?”

Keith shrugged, slumping a bit. “Whatever way you need. This is going to sound so selfish, but I just want you in my life again.”

Lance regarded Keith coldly. “It is selfish.”

“I’m still in love with you,” Keith said, the words slurring together so much that Lance could barely make them out.

But god, when he did, he felt his whole body go numb with anger.

“Still?”

Keith visibly winced at Lance’s tone.

“Keith, you refused to say it to me in the first place, after a  _ year _ . And you know what? There’s no way. We haven’t talked in months.”

“Lance, I--”

“Eight months,” Lance said, his voice breaking, tears clawing at his throat. “Keith, I’m not the same person you left behind.”

The silence felt heavier than it had ever been, and Lance thought that this might well and truly be the end.

But after a moment, Keith spoke up again, his voice quiet but growing stronger with each word.

“I know you’re the same person who called me the minute after he found out I got a job. I know you’re the same person who took care of me when I had the flu. I know you’re the same person who refused to let me go alone to my father’s grave.”

“But you still left,” Lance said, and he refused to acknowledge the tears that were threatening to spill out of him. “You left me. Barely gave me any warning, and you just vanished.”

“I know. And I’m sorry.”

“Stop fucking apologizing!” Lance said, his voice hoarse with unshed tears.

“Why?” Keith yelled back.

“Because if you keep saying sorry, I might start to forgive you.”

Keith sat back in the chair, a shell-shocked expression on his face, one that Lance was sure he was mirroring. He had no idea where those words had come from, but he couldn’t bring himself to take them back. 

“Would...would that be so bad?” Keith said hesitantly, meek and bold at the same time, in the way only Keith could be, and Lance wanted to scream with how badly he wanted to have him back in his life.

“I don’t know,” Lance answered honestly.

“I’m just tired of avoiding each other,” Keith said wearily. “I want to be friends with Hunk again, I want Shiro to be able to text you without feeling awkward. I want to talk to Pidge without feeling like I’m walking on eggshells.”

“Me too,” Lance said quietly, tapping the rim of his mug slowly. 

“You know,” Keith said after a moment, “Hunk was the one who told me to text you?”

Lance looked up in surprise. “Oh?”

Keith huffed out a laugh. “Yeah. He said he wouldn’t tell me anything, and that I needed to be the one to reach out because you wouldn’t.”

Lance smiled. Yeah, that was Hunk for you. “Smart man.”

Keith nodded. “He is. But it’s not just him. I told you, I want you back in my life again. In whatever way you let me, even if it’s just as Facebook friends.”

Lance frowned. “That’s a tall order.”

“Yeah,” Keith said. “I know, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. And if you tell me right now, I’ll walk away, but I don’t want to do that without at least trying first.”

Lance took a sip of cold coffee, just to have something to do.

This was his worst nightmare and his best daydream all in one. Here Keith was, basically on his knees, begging for forgiveness. But was Lance ready to forgive? Keith had broken his heart, shattered it.

“...I think we should talk first,” Lance said slowly. “There’s a lot of shit to work through.”

Keith looked up, and Lance saw the hope blooming in his eyes.

“This isn’t going to fix itself in a day,” Lance added. “And I still don’t know if I can let you back in the way I did before.”

Keith gave him a sad smile, reaching out to cradle Lance’s hand in his own. He was so gentle, hesitant where he was usually bold. “I just want to know if I have a chance.”

Lance’s breath caught. Could he forgive Keith? Forgive this version of him?

He gave a long sigh, taking so long to respond that he was surprised Keith hadn’t left already. Yet there it was, that difference. This Keith had learned patience, that much Lance could see.

But Lance still didn’t know if this Keith had learned to love. 

“Yeah,” Lance breathed, so quietly he could barely hear it himself.

“Yeah?” Keith asked, smile unfurling like a night-blooming flower under moonlight.

Lance rolled his eyes, leaning forward just a little bit. “Probably against my better judgement, but...yes, Keith. You have a chance.”

Keith’s grin widened, and Lance was so scared to realize that it was still the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. 

There was a twinkle in Keith’s eye when he spoke his next words, like he knew what they’d do to him. “I can’t wait to fall in love with you again.”

And despite it all, Lance smiled back. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a bit of shameless self-promo (seriously, I have No Shame). Don't forget to check out Dani's and my much longer beach AU [Salty Kisses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14992508) which I highly recommend if you're a slut for slow burn like we are. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading, and don't be afraid to drop me a comment or come say hi on my tumblr [@thetolkiengeek](http://www.thetolkiengeek.tumblr.com).


End file.
